Wednesday April 3, 2013
Hope.
Last night my best friend Felicia Thompson released my first blog and our first call to action. She created a blog site for me where I can express my feelings and people can keep track of me as well as donate. I immediately began to receive responses of support from everyone. It was a joyful moment to see how many people are standing beside me and supporting me. I mean the messages, the phone calls, the text were just pouring through and I was overcome by joy and a little bit of sadness (because of what I am going through) all at the same time. My heart melted when I received a phone call from Aaron Cole. He owns Crossfit714 – that is where I used to get my extreme workouts in after my first diagnosis. I LOVE THAT GYM!
Aaron and his wife Jennifer and the rest of the Crossfit family have always supported me and nothing has changed to this day. I am not even a member of the gym anymore because I moved to Los Angeles and the gym is located in Orange, Ca but they all still love me. When Aaron and I began to talk, he began to cry and so did I. He told me that it’s not fair and that he hates that I have to go through this. I felt his love, and it felt nice. He told me that he was going to put together a fundraiser for me. He even offered to let me live with him and Jennifer during my treatment. I just love him. Since the day I met him he has been nothing but generous to me and I appreciate that about him! He has heart of gold!
The day was an emotional day better yet an emotional roller coaster. The donations began to come in and I just couldn’t believe that so many people were willing to help me during my time of need. Some of the people I have known for years and some of the donations came from people that I have never even met. God is so good, and I am thankful. I had another doctor appointment this afternoon to pick up my fertility treatment medication. I had to do an ultrasound and give blood to check my levels. But during the ultrasound the Physician Assistant made a face. I asked her “what”? She said you have a something here. I said I have fibroids and she said yes and that she would have the doctor look at the ultrasound pics. But the look on her face was very unsettling so I asked her how big are the fibroids she said the size of a baseball. SHOCK! I said “do you know what the size of a baseball looks like?” as I showed her with my hand so she could see a visual. She looks at my hand and says well maybe a golf ball. So I made the circle smaller and she looks at it and says “hmmm yeah I guess”. I wanted to slap her!... but instead I just laid back on the table and begin to cry. She had officially scared me. I stopped talking; I stopped asking her questions – because she clearly was not a reliable source. I am then escorted to speak to a nurse who hands me a pack of medicine to take for a week. She didn’t tell how to take the injections; she just handed it to me and said…here you go. I then said “what do you want me to do with this? I do not know how to take this medication?” She said oh! I’m sorry I thought you knew”. (Please insert curse word…smh). So the PA comes back in to talk to me and I’m thinking to myself…great! But I had questions and I needed answers. She told me that the doctor will call me tomorrow once he looks at my ultrasound and receives my blood work. But she told me that I did have a cyst on each ovary and that more than likely I would not be able to do the treatment this month, and that I would have to wait until next month to try. I told her “I don’t have that time; I need to start my radiation and chemo asap”.
TEARS.
I was so upset; I left the doctors and went straight home so that I could refrigerate my $4,000 medication. I was an emotional wreck; I was having such a good day until this appointment. I cried, and cried and cried. Then my phone rang – it was my fertility doctor’s nurse from Orange County, she informed me that she received my ultra sound pictures from the Los Angeles location and showed them to the doctor. The doctor saw the ultrasound and said – let’s just go for it! “Praise God” – I thought to myself. I called and talked to a few of my friends and then my friend Adam stopped by to check on me. I really needed his company and it was nice. He gave me some good advice that I think will be helpful in getting me trough my days. He told me STOP WORRYING. If you can’t pay a bill just say “F$%* It”, if your friend is not good to you, just say “F$%* It”, if your skin gets a little burnt “F$%* It”! The point is to STOP WORRYING. It finally clicked for me – I am not in control – GOD is. Worrying will do nothing for me. I know is may sound crazy to have that type of attitude, but I think that that is what I need right now. Therefore tomorrow I am stepping out with a new attitude! Thank God. Cause I am tired of being sad, scared, worried, and depressed.
After many tears, I was exhausted…
So I took a valium and passed out J LOL!!!!!
Donations running total: $437.00
Wednesday April 3, 2013 - BLESSINGS
Today a friend of mine shared something with me that encouraged me and I wanted to share with others what he said to me.
“ I've long felt that 2013 is going to be an amazing year for myself and all who believe in the blessings of God's will for our lives.
That means you're included in that group.
The year has more significance than many people realize...read below
13 disciples sat at the table for the last supper.
To both the numerologist and the tarot reader, thirteen is a number of transformations. It usually leads to destruction, a tearing down of the old structure, followed by a rebuilding in a new, often better form. It is never an easy process, and requires hard work and persistence to see it through.
Thirteen in a numerology reading calls for a testing of your basic principals; what you believe in. It attracts changes in your fortunes that lead to shifts in your world view. It reduces to a (4) a number rooted in practical matters, and hard work. It will tend to bring opportunities to recreate yourself, but only at a cost.
So, don't be afraid of the number thirteen. Instead treat it as the ancients did; as a divine and powerful number for change.
I just got a call to do a PAID voice-over gig for the hottest, young, black movie exec at Sony who just so happens to be someone I've been waiting to work with since I learned who he was...no audition required.
I truly believe we're both walking in our God-ordained destinies...both of which have come at a cost, personally and emotionally. However, I know and feel that it's my time to grow into this actor dude with power and the ability to spread my testament of faith through mass media.
Just as it's your time to be this awesome, inspiring survivor of something that some aren't fortunate enough to survive.
Work your connections Kim... Get a meeting with that sketch artist within the next week.
You're a front row witness to what's happened to me when I finally embraced my destiny, and what happens when you start to walk in it, despite fears, apprehensions, etc.
It's your time Kim...go get all that's waiting for you in Jesus' name.I told him how inspiring, encouraging and uplifting his message was for me. He said…
But when I look back on ALL God has brought me through...especially my near-death experience of falling asleep at the wheel...I know I'm here for a reason that's bigger than I can comprehend...and so are you :)
One thing about purpose and mortality...you will not leave this earth before your purpose has been fulfilled...work hard at it, because we know not the day or the hour...In Jesus name – Amen.Man I was on cloud nine after reading his message to me. I feel so blessed to have a network of friends and family that support me. 
April 4, 2013 – Today was a better day
Know why…because I let go and I let God! Thank you Jesus. It took a few weeks to get here, but I’m here. I had a couple of weak moments today, but for the most part I was happy today. I even received some news about my fertility treatment that was not good, but I handled it well. You see the doctors called me today to discuss my medication but he said that my levels were too high. They were at 230 ish but need to be below 60. Yikes! Well what that all means is that I may just have to start my radiation and chemo treatment without freezing my eggs and just putting the rest in God’s hands. Hey, there’s nothing I can do to change the situation so hey…let’s move forward, maybe God is saying “ hey I got this, your ovaries will be fine and you will be able to have your babies with no problem once you are done fighting this.
I am going to be alright! J
Donations running total: $2,434 (thank you everyone)